Parenting 101- Teaching Good Behavior

Miss Manners

I have mulled over this topic for a long time because I find this is a very broad subject that ranges from tolerance vs acceptance to bullying, respect and manners. I think the best way to handle this subject is to break it up into several shorter articles.
So for my first installment, I want to discuss  modeling good behavior or teaching by example. This, in my opinion, is really the key to teaching kids how to be good people. The old adage "Do as I say not as I do," does not really work. Sure, we all have our moments and no parent is perfect, but you can't behave one way and think that magically your kids will behave any differently.
If you want your kids to have good manners such as saying please and thank you and holding the door for elders you need to use these behaviors as well. Of course you need to teach them what to do and remind them, but you must remember they are watching when you least expect it.
I remember years ago, a friend of mine told me how she was taken back when her then four-year-old corrected her for not being polite at the butcher shop. For her order she said "I would take four pork chops." Her son thought she was rude because at home he would have been required to say "May I have four pork chops, please?" This seems like such a little difference, and knowing my friend I'm sure she did not have a rude tone with the butcher, but her child picked up on it.
I also feel it's important to treat your kids with the same respect as you want them to treat you. This  statement can easily be misunderstood. I do not mean that children should be treated like friends; I am a strong believer that it is a parent's responsibility to teach and guide his or her child. However, children are people and all people deserve a certain amount of respect such as consideration of their feelings or fears, using manners when being talked to, being talked to not just talked at and being listened to. I do listen to my kids objections when they I give them orders, but it doesn't mean they get out of it. I often tell them "I'm sorry you feel that way, but it still needs to be done." (And yes, this is often followed by an ultimatum or incentive, however you want to look at it.) Yet other times their objections are due to a misunderstanding and once that is cleared they have no problem completing the task at hand.
I also feel that part of respecting your children and teaching them to be be better people is admitting fault and apologizing if need be. Years ago, this concept was considered taboo. There were two rules when it came to parent-child relations. Rule #1 the parent is always right. Rule #2 if the parent is wrong see rule #1. I feel, however, if you admit your mistakes to your kids it will teach them that no one is perfect and save them from a lot of undo stress. It is important though to teach them that it is also their responsibility o to fix what can be fixed in the situation and accept whatever consequences occur. (In other words, let them know apologizing is not always a free pass.)
Teaching by example is not something that stops when your kids leave the nest. I am an adult and a parent myself, yet I still learn from the examples my parents set everyday. They are very kind and giving and they are generous of their time, means and abilities. They never think twice about helping out someone in need and never expect the favor returned. This is the type of person I strive to be and I desire it for my children as well. My parents did not harp on me about this, it was just the way they were and continue to be. They did include me by having me and my siblings take things to neighbors or drive my grandmother to the store or a number of other things. It was not always what I would have chose to do at the time, but they went about it in such a way that I grew up thinking that this was the way everyone behaves and treats others. (I have since found out that is not always the case- but it should be.) There were some things that were required as a matter of politeness that I did not enjoy such as sending thank you notes, but I am the better for it. Now there are times I am sometimes given an odd look when I offer to help someone in need, especially if I do not know them well, but I really don't mind. I mean would you rather be considered that too helpful person or that rude one?

Awesome Crocs Sale through Zulily!

Crocs are a great summer shoe for kids and adults alike. Right now Zulily for as low as $12.99 thru Friday!

I love Crocs for my little ones because they slip on easily, can handle getting wet yet dry quickly and clean fairly nicely. (There's nothing easier then hosing them off they've been through a mud puddle.)

There is also a reason when you are in the hospital a good majority of the nurses are wearing them- they are super comfy and have great support. Whether you're a nurse, work in fast food or a mom on the go if you're on your feet all day is may be hard to find a more comfy shoe.

If you're new to Zulily.com they have great prices on designer kids clothes and gear. What makes this deal extra special it includes Crocs for women and men, too, not just kids.




Thanks Couponing to Disney !

Mommy Tip- Keep a blanket in your car

I always keep an old, but clean throw blanket in my in the trunk of my mini van and it gets used more than you might guess. I originally put it in there one winter just in case I broke down and needed to keep warm. I haven't needed it for that... yet. Since I have two young children I now keep two blankets in the trunk since they don't take up much room. Here are the ways I have used my blankets:

• To cover a tired or cold child- this works great when you've been on the go all day and your child is over tired and won't fall asleep in his car-seat. (Even kids that don't normally carry a blankie)
• To protect my seat's leather or trunk carpet when transporting something, big, sharp or dirty
• To make a soft bed in a shopping cart (I have one who sleeps who like the dead and has gone through more than one grocery trip sound asleep in one cart while I pulled another cart full of groceries.)
• As an impromptu picnic blanket
• A place to lay a young baby for tummy time in the park
• To hold up for privacy so one of my kids can change clothes
• A place to sit during a parade when we've forgotten our lawn chairs
• To wrap up with during a sporting event- especially during kids' sports games when the weather is always cold or raining on game day or at least it seems to be.

Kids Clean Up Part 2: Keeping it clean

Today is the second in my two part series of getting your kids to clean up their toys. Yesterday, I talked about organization of toys so that they had a place to belong and streamlining the amount of toys so there wasn't so many to deal with it. If you missed it you can check it out here. 


Now that the toys all have a home we can talk about how to keep them picked up and put away. I think the key to most parenting issues is consistency. When it comes to getting the toys picked up a good part of it is warnings, reminders and regular pick up times. Wait, I know I promised yesterday that you wouldn't sound like a nag, so please just hear me out. 


What I have discovered over the years is any toys left out (especially in their rooms where I'm not the one tripping over it) when the kids leave the room will most likely stay left out and we all know that clutter mysteriously multiplies quickly leaving you with a horrible mess. So, in order to avoid this give your kids a 10-15 minute warning and tell them it is clean up time. If you wait until dinnertime, bedtime or time to walk out the door it will only add stress and most likely the toys will be left out. But if about 10 -15 minutes before the next activity you establish pick up time as a transition things will go much smoother, especially if you are consistent and make this a habit. 


Also start random cleaning up sessions. With my kids I called it a "10 Second Tidy" like on the Big Comfy Couch. When you notice that they have moved on to a toy or two and the previous ones are still left out have everyone stop what they are playing with and put everything away. Yes, everything including the current playthings. (Of course you can use discretion if the kids are working on an intricate puzzle or complicated Leggo creation, but find a way for it to be up or away without being destroyed.) Your kids will resist this, but in my experience when we stop and clean up and I allow them to leave the current toy out about 80% of the time it remains out and they do not go back to it. Once everything is picked up they can get it back out and continue playing. These random checks help keep small messes from turning into huge disaster areas.


The biggest part of getting them to do it without argument is to make it fun. First off I know too well if Mom is dreading clean up time, the kids are definitely not going to want to do it either, so try to add some variety and make it as fun as possible. Here are some ways to make cleaning less of a chore and more of a game:

• Set a timer and see how much can get done before it goes off
• Pick a random number and have everyone pick up that many toys (such as 11 or 27)
• If your kids are competitive have a race to see who can pick up their number of toys first, or who can pick up the most before the timer goes off
• Assign each kid a color of toy to pick up. This is a little more interesting than having Sally pick up all the blocks and Johnny pick up all the cars.

Even if you are successful in establishing these habits, you and your kids will have to periodically throw away broken toys, give away out grown or unloved toys and go through artwork and school work in order to keep the kids' stuff from taking over the entire house.  A member of the Flylady's crew, Kelly, has kid challenges in which she gives kids a special cleaning mission. These range from walk around your house and find all of your books that are laying around and put them away to find 10 toys that you no longer play with and give them to mom or dad to bless someone else with. You can make up your own missions or you can just use Kelly's. Even if you don't want to follow the Flylady plan yourself you can check out what the Flykid challenge is on Kelly's facebook page.

Like anything else it will probably take time to establish these habits in both yourself and your kids. It will also take consistency, so don't give up if you have a bad day, just jump back in. 

Thank you Flylady and Flylady Kelly

Kids Clean Up Part 1: Organization

I think one challenge most parents face is getting kids to pick up their toys and keep them clean. My house is far from perfect and I do pick up toys several times a day, but over the years I have learned some tips that should be helpful. Since this is a fairly broad subject I decided to break up into two parts. I feel that before you make kids accountable for keeping their stuff picked up, they need to have places to put it. The old saying "A place for everything and everything in its place," says it all, but sometimes finding the right kinds of places to put the toys is the hard part. So for part one we are going to discuss organizing toys, tomorrow I will share ideas on how to get your kids to clean up without feeling like a constant nag. (Check out part 2 by clicking here.)
Years ago, I read somewhere a great tip about organizing, and that is not to buy containers until you go through everything first. If you have spent a bunch of money on containers or time making them you may keep things just to have something to put in the boxes. Also, by knowing what you need to store you know what size containers and what type of container will be the most helpful.  So first, sort through all the toys, books and other kid stuff. The first sorting is not necessarily finding places for things but deciding what to keep. If your kids are like mine they have way more toys than they actually play with. 
Depending on the ages and personalities of you kids you may or may not want them around when you do this. It could be a good opportunity to teach them how about blessing others with and that the less stuff to clean up the more time there is to play. (Both are what Flylady and Flylady Kelly teach.) My kids are such pack rats they had a hard time getting rid of stuff like Happy Meal toys that they played with in the car home then got thrown in the room, so this kind of stuff I got rid of when they weren't around. Toys that are expensive or special may need your child's input as far as what to do with to show respect and to teach giving and caring for our belongings. Some toys you may decide to pack up in totes and save for your grandchildren, and that is OK if you have the space and you don't pack up everything in storage, just the special stuff.

Art supplies

But wait, we are getting ahead of ourselves. When you go through the toys for the first time have 3 boxes or bags handy to divide the stuff into:
1. Stuff that is broken that can't or won't get fixed. (ultimately the trash)
2. Stuff to give away
2. Stuff to keep
 If box number two is difficult you can make it "stuff that has been out grown" then go back and decide what should be packed up and what could bless someone else.

Now that you have the toys, books, games and such that you are keeping it is time to organize it. How you do this and just what type of storage system you use is dependent on your house and the space you have, the types of toys you have and your taste preferences. Start by dividing the toys into groups. Try to put all toys that are similar together for example: all dolls, all cars/trucks, all blocks. Then the groups can be broken down further if necessary for example small matchbox type cars would be in a small box but larger push Tonka-style toys may be put in a large box/tote, on a shelf or in toy box.

Trucks

Once the toys are organized the biggest key is labeling the containers that way everyone knows what goes where and what is inside (if your containers are not transparent) so things don't get dumped while looking for a specific toy. If your kids are young and can't read yet, or even if they can, you can either take photos of what is inside each box, or draw or print out clip art of the types of toys and stick it to the container. (The pictures on this page are examples of things you could print out as lables) I like to label the side of the container and the lid if it has one. 

Dolls

Plastic containers, totes, baskets, fabric pins and so on are all great for organizing and storing toys but they can be expensive. This is a time to think outside the box (pun intended). Many household items can be recycled or repurposed to hold toys and such- just be creative. Egg cartons can hold lots of small things such as beads or art supplies. Other things that you may have laying around the house that would work for organizing toys are: baby wipe containers, margarine/cool whip containers, breath mint boxes, large diaper boxes, and plastic baby food containers. (Glass baby food jars aren't very safe to have for kids' toys, but Gerber now sells varieties of baby food in clear plastic boxes with lids that are excellent for storing small things.) For more inexpensive organizing ideas check out this article by By C.M. Vanderlinden on hubpages. 


Here are more resources and ideas:

• A great step by step tutorial for turning diaper boxes into fabric storage containers can be found on Saving Addiction
• Here is an article showing how to make your own collapsible fabric storage boxes.
• Tip Junkie shares five free patterns for storage containers that she has found.
• Family Fun has a whole bunch of crafts designed to help organize kids' rooms. You can find a list of all the projects here. 

Part 2- Getting Kids to clean up can be found here

*Special Thanks to Flylady, Flylady Kelly, Saving Addiction, Hub Pages and Tip Junkie*

Rainy Day Activities

April Showers may bring May flowers, but they also bring cranky kids that want to go outside and play. So,  I thought this would be a good time to share some projects and activities to make being staying inside fun.


Arts and crafts:

• Finger paint
• Sock puppets
• paper bag puppets
• Paper plate masks
• Make paper grocery bag costumes 

Sensory activities:

• Make and play with homemade play dough
• Play with shaving cream
• Make "Monster goo" a mixture of corn starch and just enough water to make it liquidy but still have resistance.

Fine motor skill activities:

• Create your own lacing cards 
• Make Fruit Loops necklaces or bracelets
• Make beaded jewelry (if age appropriate)
• Make a paper chain countdown calender to countdown to s special day or event (last day of school, birthday, grandparent's visit, etc.)

Large motor skill games and activities:

• Simon says
• Have a dance party
• Follow the leader
• Duck, duck, goose

Imaginative play:

• Put on a puppet show with your homemade puppets
• Have a picnic in your living room
• Have an indoor "day at the beach"
• Make a blanket fort

National Library Week April 10-16

It's not to late to celebrate National Library Week, which is going on right now. Many libraries are offering activities to celebrate. But even if you missed out or your library isn't participating you can still celebrate the love of reading and the wonderful services our libraries provide.

It's no secret that I love my local libraries. I am there so often that most of the librarians at two out of the three libraries in my county know me by name, if not, than by face.
With the continual changing of technology it would seem libraries would become obsolete, but that is not the case. In fact, in my opinion they are becoming more important than ever. So what is so great about the library anyway?

Well first off as a cheapskate, I love the library because it's a great deal. Besides checking out books for free there are so many other free services. My local libraries also have available for loan DVDs, VHS cassettes, audio CDs (music), audio books on cassette and CD, computer games, and probably even more. By checking these items out at the library you can see if it something you want to purchase or not. My library loans CD ROMS for the same length as they do books, which is three weeks. This is the perfect amount of time to see if your kids are actually going to play the game or not. Or depending on the game just beat it after two days and toss it aside. With computer games costing $20- $50 or even more it makes sense knowing you will actually get your money's worth. Although many people use such services as Netfilx to rent DVDs and stream movies, the library is still a great place to get your movies. In my house we use Netflix streaming as our primary source of viewing children's TV and movies as we do not have cable, satellite or even an ariel antenna. But if the item is not available for streaming and it is not something the whole family will enjoy for family movie night, it usually gets kicked down to the bottom of our DVD queue. That is where the library comes in handy. I also use it to check out the "chic flicks" my husband also keeps kicking to the bottom of the queue.

Another feature I love that I can only get from my library are the programs. My libraries offer tons and I rarely have the opportunity to take advantage of the ones offered for adults, but my kids are regulars at the children's programs and story times. My local libraries host such programs as various craft classes, computer classes, movie showings, book discussions, lectures, Leggo clubs, contests and so much more. I love the story times. My library offers different ones for different ages and they are a wonderful way to introduce little ones to the joy of reading, the love of learning, the wonders of the library and interacting with other kids.

As my oldest two children have grown, the library has been an essential resource for school work. Although, now in high school, they have some teachers that allow internet sources for writing papers and essays. However, when in younger grades many teachers still require the use of Encyclopedias and other print media that can be found at the library. Although not all libraries offer this service, one of my branches has (or at least when my kids were elementary and intermediate school) a copy of the text books that our local public school uses. This is a lifesaver for the times when you child forgets her textbook at school and has homework due the next day.

Another great advantage is that our local libraries house local history and help us reunite with our roots. Besides being an excellent resource if you are tracing your family tree, libraries often house archives of old yearbooks and newspapers. When I was a reporter for my local newspaper I did a story of the 100 anniversary of fire that changed the face of much of the town. The internet was no help in my research. The newspaper office did not have newspapers that old in our archives, but the library did. It was on microfiche, a media that few are familiar with these days. I had to do a lot of searching but my library is so excellent and the librarians are so helpful that the librarian who specializes in such things as history and microfiche (and yes, that is a specialization) found it for me and made a hard copy for me.

Which leads to another advantage of the library: the librarians. First off I have never met the stereotypical librarian which her long gray hair in a bun on top her head, her half-moon spectacles perched on the end of her nose and "Shhhhhhh" the only sound that is uttered from her mouth. The librarians I know are awesome! They are beyond helpful for locating a book, recommending a DVD or answering a number of my questions. They are the ones that take their time and resources to come up with, organize and put on the story times and other programs. Few other business professionals show continual excellent customer service like librarians.  This phenomenon occurs not only in my local small-town library, but in large city libraries that I have visited as well.

For more information about National Library Week contact your local library or visit the American Library Association's website. If you live in NW Indiana more about my local libraries can be found here.

Explore the great outdoors with your kids

Now that spring has finally sprung, well for the most part, it's time to get outside and show your kids the wonders of spring. I've compiled a short list of outdoor activities to enjoy now that sun is shining and weather is warmer. Most of these activities are free or almost free. Many are  things you might have enjoyed as a kid but may have forgotten. 

• Look for new spring flowers, then either let them grow, pick and press them for an art project or take a photo to use in a art project or scrapbook.
• Fly a kite
• Make chalk drawings
• Teach your kids how to play hopscotch or Four Square
• Blow bubbles
• Set up a water table
• Have a picnic lunch
• Look for shapes in the clouds
• On a warm evening look for constellations
• Discover a new park
• Go for a bike ride 
• Set up an obstacle course
• Have a relay race
• Splash in the puddles
• Make mud pies
• Plant flower or vegetable seeds or seedlings

What are your favorite springtime outdoor activities to do with your kids? Please feel free to share your experiences with the above ideas or share your own ideas. 

Setbacks

I've been thinking that perhaps I've misnamed this blog. Instead of Wiki Mom the how to place for moms, it should be called Un-Wiki Mom the how not to do things place for moms. I had dreams of the school year starting with me getting all the chores on my list done early in the day and then doing home schooled pre-school with my three and a half year old while the toddler played quietly or ate in his high chair.

Reality check! No, instead an elderly relative needed a ride to an appointment, which led to taking her to other places she rarely gets to visit. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, in fact it would probably have been enjoyed, but I didn't correctly manage my time yet again. So I ran out the door with the house a wreck. When we got home the boys were asleep and it was almost time for the teenagers to get home from school, so we chucked until tomorrow. That was Monday.

Tuesday, yea, I did get some learning time in. But  my chores were set aside until afternoon because my crazy life happened again. First off between a phone call from the school counselor and trying to find get my Tot book ready for him (Yes, it should have been ready the day before- but that is another part of the story.) we were going to run out of time again so I put the cleaning on hold, cleared off the dining room table and had some fun.

Here is what I learned from out first few attempts at pre-school:

• To make a Tot Book when the directions say to cut a file folder in half it doesn't mean along the seam. You are to open the folder and cut it horizontally. (I needed my 16 year old to figure this one out)
• When searching for regular staples you will only find heavy duty ones. When you then decide you really need the heavy duty stapler and finally find it (of all places in a box of tools in the barn) you will only be able to find the regular staples, but if you stop looking long enough to wonder what is poking your thigh you will remember you shoved the staples in your jeans pocket to keep them safe from the baby.
• Things don't have to be perfect for a three year old to have fun and learn.

What Noah has learned so far:

• Mom cares enough about me to have some one on one time.
• Taking turns is NOT the best part of playing memory match, but an important one.
• Although it usually drives mommy crazy when I play the copy-cat game, when she is trying to teach me a Bible verse that's what I'm supposed to do.
• If I eat one of my 4 PB&J triangles it is no longer a square, but if I share one with my little brother then remaining 2 little triangles make one big triangle if I push them together.

School is starting

It's hard for me to believe school is starting next week. Where did the summer go? I have decided that when school starts I will start homeschooling preschool with my 3 year old. The problem is I have not yet decided what or how I am gong to do it.

I am thinking that I will do it 4 to five days a week for about an hour or two depending on his attention span and what we are working on. During the months he has story time we will only do it four days that week, the rest of the time five because that is just too much in one day for a little kid.

My main problem is coming up with lesson plans that aren't too complex or projects that I are above his ability. I used to be a daycare teacher and I was required to come up with lesson plans for different stations in a classroom of of 10-15 children. So, I need to reign things back a bit to keep it fun and exciting and not like I am putting him though toddler boot camp.
I have some material already and some things in mind, but any suggests would be appreciated

Kid Time- Play with your kids

This sounds like a no brainer right? I mean who doesn't play with their kids? Actually you'd be surprised a lot of people don't. And actually do YOU?
Do your kids play while you are busy doing housework , checking email or are on the phone?  Do you play with them when you go to the park or do you spend your time talking to other parents? These things are fine and necessary,  (yes, if you are home all day with kids chatting with other moms becomes a necessity), but playing WITH your kids is important too.
Lots of parents, including myself have gotten caught up into making sure that playtime with their kids is a planned event that is education and "worthwhile." These activities are great too, but don't let details get you bogged down and keep you from enjoying your kids.
Yes, independent play is an important skill and you are not your child's personal entertainment. But playing with your kids for just a short time a day is beneficial to both of you. 
Playing with your kids can be simple. Just grab a car, train or doll that they are playing with and join in. Don't worry if you feel dorky your kids won't care. Make some with play-doh instead of it letting your kids have all the fun.Help your baby stack blocks or race your preschooler to the tree and back.
If you can throw some extra learning in (For example: here's a blue block or now lets race from the short to the tall tree) that great but don't over think it. Just spending the time with your child and making it about him or her will be more essential in the long run. You will help build social skills and confidence. Also if you give your kids some uninterrupted time quality time they are less likely to nag you to death later just for attention. Plus you'll just feel happier and better about your self as a parent.
Well I have two little boys waiting to get outside and PLAY!