Parenting 101- Teaching Good Behavior

Miss Manners

I have mulled over this topic for a long time because I find this is a very broad subject that ranges from tolerance vs acceptance to bullying, respect and manners. I think the best way to handle this subject is to break it up into several shorter articles.
So for my first installment, I want to discuss  modeling good behavior or teaching by example. This, in my opinion, is really the key to teaching kids how to be good people. The old adage "Do as I say not as I do," does not really work. Sure, we all have our moments and no parent is perfect, but you can't behave one way and think that magically your kids will behave any differently.
If you want your kids to have good manners such as saying please and thank you and holding the door for elders you need to use these behaviors as well. Of course you need to teach them what to do and remind them, but you must remember they are watching when you least expect it.
I remember years ago, a friend of mine told me how she was taken back when her then four-year-old corrected her for not being polite at the butcher shop. For her order she said "I would take four pork chops." Her son thought she was rude because at home he would have been required to say "May I have four pork chops, please?" This seems like such a little difference, and knowing my friend I'm sure she did not have a rude tone with the butcher, but her child picked up on it.
I also feel it's important to treat your kids with the same respect as you want them to treat you. This  statement can easily be misunderstood. I do not mean that children should be treated like friends; I am a strong believer that it is a parent's responsibility to teach and guide his or her child. However, children are people and all people deserve a certain amount of respect such as consideration of their feelings or fears, using manners when being talked to, being talked to not just talked at and being listened to. I do listen to my kids objections when they I give them orders, but it doesn't mean they get out of it. I often tell them "I'm sorry you feel that way, but it still needs to be done." (And yes, this is often followed by an ultimatum or incentive, however you want to look at it.) Yet other times their objections are due to a misunderstanding and once that is cleared they have no problem completing the task at hand.
I also feel that part of respecting your children and teaching them to be be better people is admitting fault and apologizing if need be. Years ago, this concept was considered taboo. There were two rules when it came to parent-child relations. Rule #1 the parent is always right. Rule #2 if the parent is wrong see rule #1. I feel, however, if you admit your mistakes to your kids it will teach them that no one is perfect and save them from a lot of undo stress. It is important though to teach them that it is also their responsibility o to fix what can be fixed in the situation and accept whatever consequences occur. (In other words, let them know apologizing is not always a free pass.)
Teaching by example is not something that stops when your kids leave the nest. I am an adult and a parent myself, yet I still learn from the examples my parents set everyday. They are very kind and giving and they are generous of their time, means and abilities. They never think twice about helping out someone in need and never expect the favor returned. This is the type of person I strive to be and I desire it for my children as well. My parents did not harp on me about this, it was just the way they were and continue to be. They did include me by having me and my siblings take things to neighbors or drive my grandmother to the store or a number of other things. It was not always what I would have chose to do at the time, but they went about it in such a way that I grew up thinking that this was the way everyone behaves and treats others. (I have since found out that is not always the case- but it should be.) There were some things that were required as a matter of politeness that I did not enjoy such as sending thank you notes, but I am the better for it. Now there are times I am sometimes given an odd look when I offer to help someone in need, especially if I do not know them well, but I really don't mind. I mean would you rather be considered that too helpful person or that rude one?